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Experiencing rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a definite “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas five decades ago, upon completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and many pieces. Over the past two decades, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have multiplied. Regularly, I get a rejection every few days—adding up to more than 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. Today, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: Now, almost each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor nixed 20 pieces one after another before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a nonfiction book proposal. One editor suggested that I send articles only once a month.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, each denial were painful. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? How could these people be ignore my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (often seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

So it went over many years.

Great Precedents

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of writers whose books was initially rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his youth squad. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had previously lost races. The actor-writer claims that his script for Rocky and bid to star were rejected numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to wake me up and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

Acceptance

As time passed, as I reached my later years, I entered the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have just published a similar piece, or be planning one underway, or simply be thinking about a similar topic for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader feels I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the content I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and read my piece hastily to recognize its value.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my writing style, notably dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, regardless of all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved widely published. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a memoir, at retirement age—and more than numerous essays. My writings have appeared in publications major and minor, in diverse platforms. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for five decades.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no features on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle rejection at 73, because my, humble successes have softened the stings of my setbacks. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I gained?

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